What About Him?

Women can sometimes give men a lot of flak about loving them.  We’re quick to ask, “Why you don’t love me, Craig?”  And he doesn’t have to answer because we’ll craft a hundred and one reasons as to why he doesn’t for him.  When the truth is maybe he doesn’t know how to love.  Or maybe he loved so hard in the past that it was taken for granted and he vowed to never fall again.  Does this ever cross your mind?

Women aren’t the only ones who’ve been scarred and damaged.  It’s hard to imagine, but men can be the same way.  The sad thing is that men have it way worse than we do, meaning, as women we have been equipped, designed to endure pain.  Not saying that it’s right for the pain to be inflicted on us because we are, but some things are just unfortunate.  What I am saying is this.  Have you ever looked at or thought about the difference in the way men and women cope when they get sick?  Have you thought for just a second that there's a difference between the way men and women cope with hurt?  I said that just to get you to see where I’m trying to take my next point. 

Men, who have been hurt by some no good-ass woman (and there are plenty of no good-ass women out there) have just as hard of a time healing as those of us women who have been hurt by no good-ass man.  Those women who cheat, lie, manipulate, play mind games, crush hearts, etc.  Oh, yea.  Sometimes we fail to mention this...lol

You have men who love hard.  Men who spoil, pamper, adore, and would do anything for their woman.  Good men.  Good men who get caught up with bad women.  Men whom these manipulative women push into other women's arms then cry, "how could you do this to me, Craig?" (You can deny it if you want, but STOP IT…it happens.  I know women who've done it).  Difference between us and them is they sometimes don’t show or tell they're hurting. Women have social outlets…our girlfriends.  We’ll hold a “Bitch Breathe Session” in a heartbeat.  Call all of our girls and tell them, “Bitch, you won’t believe what this nucca did to me!  He hurt me sooo bad.”  Men…they won’t do that.  A man can be hurt so deep on the inside, but won’t tell a soul!  Okay, he may tell his one homie, his childhood partner, whom he KNOWS won’t tell anyone else, but they have this ego that says.  “You’re a man…men don’t cry” so they don’t utilize the same outlets that women do.  Meaning, regardless of how bad he’s hurting inside.  He probably won’t disclose how deep it really is.  He’ll probably use terms like, “shit, it is what it is; if she wanna go, let her go; naw, dawg…I’m good.”  Some cover their hurt through drinking; others cover their hurt through sex.  Doesn’t matter who she is as long as she can ease and make the pain go away for about thirty minutes; so he won’t have to think about it.  Sounds crazy, but it’s true.  Not saying this is the case for all men, but it happens.  I recall reading an article, or maybe it was a book, that talked about how when good men are hurt they usually end up hurting ten women in return because they don't have any outlets for healing or they're too "manly" to utilize them (admitting to their homeboys that they're hurting).

And how about those men who’ve never experienced love to know how to love you?  How about those men who, like some women, have always been in dysfunctional relationships and bring those learned habits into a functional relationship?  For someone to learn something “new” they have to be taught.  I know I had the hardest time believing that men could be mentally and emotionally abused, but they can.  You have some scandalous women out here.  Women who know they have a good man, but do all the things good women talk about scandalous men doing to them.  Then we wonder why there’s such a shortage of good men.  Shit, they’re just as damaged as women.  It’s because they’re “trapped” in these tangled webs with these crafty harlots who put on the good girl façade, snag them , dig their claws so deep into them, and damage them so they’re no good for the next woman.  Have you ever had a girlfriend whose boyfriend you’ve look at like, “Man, he’s a good dude.  Why are you doing that to him?”  LOL…I have and it’s SAD because men always get the short end of the stick.  No one addresses these women.

NOW…I’m not suggesting that if your man doesn’t love you it’s because he doesn’t know how because there are numerous reasons as to why he may not, but what I am saying is, if he wants to learn; teach him. Musiq said it best in his song Teach Me.  He states, "Our relationship is suffering, trying to give you what I never had.  You say I don't know how to love you babe, well I say show me the way.  I keep my feelings deep inside I, shadow them with my pride, I..I'm trying desperately, baby just work with me..teach me how to love.  Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost…"

Again, I'm not saying the reason why ALL men don't love is this and I'm not saying that you have to believe it.  This is my personal opinion.  BUT..if I can suggest something to you that is this…

Examine the evidence before deciding the verdict.