Cocoon

I’ve often wondered what makes a person mess up a perfectly good relationship.  Is it because they don’t value the relationship or is it because they’re so use to being in messed up relationships that it just comes naturally.  Almost second nature.

Damaged goods:  There are so many women who fall under this category.  They’ve been hurt beyond repair and it’s so cliché, but true…it’s not the next man’s fault, but unfortunately it is what it is because she is now the byproduct of what the man (men) before him has done.  She begins to save herself.  She begins to protect herself and be her own heroine.  She places her heart in a cocoon hoping that one day she’ll be able to break free and experience a real love.   Until then, she continues to stay protected and no one can hurt her as long as she knows how far to lower her guard and if perhaps, she lowers it too far; she’ll quickly retract it for fear of being hurt.

What do women really want?  It’s simple.  All women want to be loved.  All women want a man whom they can call their own.  All women want a man whom they feel protected and secure with.  All women want a man whom they can trust.

So, it’s never an issue of women not knowing what they want.  However, the issue damaged women have is being able to openly receive what they want when it’s given to them.  Huh?  I’ll explain.

I told you what women really want.  So, let’s just say she gets him.  She meets a man who’s loving and so willing to love her.  She meets a man who wants to be exclusively hers.  She meets a man who makes her feel protected and secure whether she’s in his presence or not.  She meets a man who she feels she can trust.  Now, what does she do with him?

Initially, she’s on cloud nine.  She has found the man of her dreams.  He’s all she’s ever hoped and dreamed of and more.  Initially, she feels like she deserves him and all that he has to offer her.  Initially, she accepts him with open arms.  But remember…she’s damaged beyond repair so, she suspects it’s too good to be true.  She suspects that he is just like him, but she refuses to let him do the same thing to her as he did.  She refuses to let him have that much access to her heart; leaving herself vulnerable and exposed.  So, what does she do?  She returns to the familiar.  She returns to what she knows.  She returns to her safe zone because this is something she’s never had so she doesn’t truly know what to do with it.  She looks for reasons “why” and looks for “familiar” actions to validate her suspicions.  Ways to sabotage what she really wants.

For some women this is real.  For some women this is a never ending cycle.  For some women it’s going to take a man who recognizes that she is “an angel whose wings have been clipped by a perfectly dressed decoy” and is willing to stay through her healing process.  For her it’s going to take a man whose will to love can penetrate through her chrysalis cocoon without piercing or causing anymore trauma to her damaged heart.

What do women who know what they want and get what they want do when they get it?  “Pray hard and let go of the past. Realize and understand that they deserve happiness.  You deserve him.  Stop selling yourself short and recognize that you have a good man who is willing to help you deal with your insecurities.  Patiently waiting and wanting to love you.  Give him a chance.  Trust yourself and let him love you.”  Stop looking for reasons to stay sheltered in your cocoon.    It’s time to begin molting.  Hope you’re prepared to spread your wings and fly away.  

 “Not all men come for something.  Some come to restore.”