Not an Easy Task

Busy, busy, busy!  I guess this is what happens when you have dreams you want to fulfill.  You can't and don't stop working.  It's not an easy task, but it is one that will keep you smiling when you think, "Wow!  I really did this."  Taking the necessary steps to continued success.  Just to think.  This is only the beginning.  Can't give up now. 

Check out the webpage for signing dates. 

http://www.neiceyford.com/

More cities will be added at a later date.  Happy Monday to you all!

Finished Product

I know it has been forever since I've blogged and I apologize for that.  However, I've been diligently working on completing the book, editing it, proofing it for print, and all kinds of other stuff.  I will tell you that I love the feeling of completing a project, but it is definitely hard work.  (Laughing) then again, nothing worth having is easy, right?  Well, I'd like to inform you all that the book is done.  It is available in paperback now, which I know quite a few have been waiting on.  So, go to my website at neiceyford.com and make sure you purchase your copy.  Also, check out the tour/signing dates.  I will be adding more as soon as I get confirmation.  Thank you in advance for your support!

http://neiceyford.com/

Eluding Karma Excerpt III

Philip lay in the bed watching American Gangsta and sipping on a glass of Courvoisier.  “That Frank Lucas is a bad man,” he said shaking his head, and taking another sip.  He began to smile as snapshots of Nick’s wedding played in his mind like a slideshow.  It was so beautiful.  I really am proud of him and Keda.  She looked so beautiful in her wedding gown.  Yep, I’d do it over again, if I could.  Especially, with the right woman.  Especially, with Syd.” he thought, which reminded him that it had been almost a month since he had spoken to, or even heard from her. 

He took a few more sips of his drink, picked up his cell phone and then pressed the button to begin a text message.  He put in her number.

<Hey> Send

Philip sat, waiting for a response.  He kept pressing the button on his phone, hoping to see an envelope indicating that he had a message, but there wasn’t one.  “That’s some bullshit!”  He yelled.  “I can’t believe she’s not texting me back.”  Damn, they finally put his ass in prison, he thought, looking up at the television.

An hour had passed.  American Gangsta had gone off, and still no reply from Syd.  He looked down into the glass, “shit!”  Then over to the bottle.  Same thing.  “I know I didn’t drink all of that by myself,” he laughed.  Philip went to the restroom, turned off the television and placed his telephone on his bedside table.  Thirty minutes later he was sound asleep.

Veerp

<Hey you>

MOTIVATION

This morning when I woke I began to think and question myself, "where does your motivation come from?"  Some people are motivated by their children, loved ones, families, friends, etc.  I, am also motivated by those things, but I truly believe I'm motivated by something deeper..something even stronger than that.

I remember writing my first skit/play in the 6^th grade at Noe Middle School in Louisville, Kentucky.  I mean, I developed scenes, had the transitions from the scenes to the songs, had Harriett, Rosa, Frederick, and Martin Luther, all in their 60's costumes, sitting on the church pews, awaiting something miraculous to happen. (Laughing)

Fast Forward some years (quite a few years) and I'm still doing those things.  I'm still writing, directing and producing plays, writing novels, writing and reciting poetry, blogging, etc.  I'm not a big shot (yet), but I believe everything happens in God's perfect timing.

You see, this "writing thing" is something deeply embedded in me.  I don't pretend to be a writer.  I don’t write because I want to get paid for doing so; I write because it's who I am.  I write in hopes that my experiences can shed light and uplift/help others.  Writing…it's part of my being.  If I couldn't write, if I couldn't express myself through some form of writing, I would probably be so depressed that I'd die.

Not a day goes by that I don't pick up a pen or open a word document and write/type something.  Not a day goes by where something happens or is said and I think to myself, "let me jot that down so I won't forget it," with the purpose of incorporating it into something I may write later.

I say all of that to say this.  Sometimes you can't look to others to motivate and inspire you or even keep you motivated and inspired.  That's a responsibility you have to assume yourself.  Reason being is when those motivators or inspirers no longer want the position, what will you do?

I've been writing for years and I probably could've had these books published a long time ago.  However, I looked to other people to motivate and inspire me.  When those folk resigned their positions, I pushed those projects to the side and moved on to others which in return has prolonged the completion process.

Where does your motivation come from?  If it doesn't come from within?  It should.  Allow yourself to be your motivation.  Not Kelly Rowland, not Boo, not your kids, not grandma or grandpa, but you.  The can be contributors to your motivation, but you be the motivator. (Whew, that was a mouthful).

Well, I'm glad to say that, THE WAIT IS ALMOST OVER.  I want you to be a witness to the union of Neicey and Writing, and I must say that we make a beautiful couple.  I'll end this blog by saying this:

"What God has joined together; let no man (or woman) separate."

Strap-Up or Suit-Up

I know a lot of people wish there was a “Return/Exchange Policy” on baby mama’s and baby daddy’s.  I’m sure there are some folk who wish you could “Build-A-Dad/Mom” like you Build-A-Bear…lmao.  Not that simply.  A lot of people will argue, “that’s why you should be careful who you lay down with….people should stop handing over their goods without checking qualifications first.”  Yea, well…just like a job…somebody could’ve put in a good word, vouched for their character, and because they knew somebody that knew somebody; all the particulars were bypassed.  Not all hookups end in disaster.  Not saying it’s right, just saying shit happens.   We don’t know a person’s story. 

What we do know is that it takes two people to produce a baby (child), and it would only make sense that it would take two people to parent that child.  There are more single-parent households in the U.S. than Lil Tunechi, Drake and Trey Songz have mixtapes.  According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007, released by the U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009, there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States as of 2010, and those parents are responsible for raising 21.8 million children.  Just imagine what the statistics will look like for 2011.  SMDH…

Now, I’m not writing about the number of single-parent households in the U.S., but, I did want you to be aware of the statistics.

What I am writing about, however, is the lack of participation/partnership by some parent(s). 

What does it mean when parents say they’re “watching their kid(s)?”  As a parent you CAN’T technically “watch” your own child.  That’s an oxymoron.  It amazes me how often you hear about mothers and fathers of children calling the absent parent, or even asking the parent that lives in the same household, if they would “watch” their child while the other goes off to do whatever. 

You have some parents that act like it’s a burden or a bother when you ask them to come and get their son/daughter(s) because there’s something you have to do.  You have some parents that act like it’s a burden or a bother when you ask them to come and get their son/daughter(s) because you just simply need a break.  You’re not asking them to donate a kidney to someone they don’t know; you’re asking them to spend time with THEIR child, you’re asking them to be relevant, you’re asking them to be a parent!

I’ve heard people say, “I’m not watching him/her while he/she goes out to dinner” or “I’m not watching him/her while he/she goes out to the club” or “I’m not watching him/her while he/she goes to the barbershop/beauty salon” or “I’m not watching him/her while he/she goes off to be with him/her.”  (That’s my favorite….lol).

First, of all, take the word “watching” out of the statement and replace it with “spending time.” Now, read those statements over and see how utterly RIDICULOUS they sounds.  My question is this:  What freakin’ difference does it make!?  What does it matter to you where the hell they go or what the hell they do?  All that should matter is that for that time, for that hour, two hours, however long they’re gone, you get to be an active part of your child’s life.  You get to spend time with your child that you may or may not have gotten to otherwise.  You get to be relevant.  You get to be a…ummm…parent!

Then what gets me is when the mama/daddy doesn’t call you to spend time with your child.  What gets me is when “Keisha” or “Craig” says, “Baby, I’ll watch him/her while you go to the store,” and they can say that (watch) because the child(ren) isn’t theirs!

But you better shut the back door!  Shut it, lock it, and nail it down because when the baby mama/daddy gets whiff that you left “their child” with Keisha and Craig…ALL HELL’S GONNA BREAK LOOSE! Now, all of a sudden irrelevant parents want to become relevant.  Now, nonparents want to become parents.  But nooooo….couldn’t get them to play mama/daddy when you needed some “me” time.  Couldn’t get them to play mama/daddy when they should just want to play mama/daddy.  That’s too much like right.

Sooo,  what you mad fo’?  LOL…

But hold, on…because there’s always a flip side to everything. 

I know it’s hard for some people to believe that this parenting thing truly is a life-time commitment and some people, both men and women, just aren’t cut out for it.  Okay, I get it.  However, Keisha and Craig…shouldn’t be over somebody else’s house playing “Daddy Daycare” or “Mommy Make-It Better” to somebody else’s child(ren) when they can’t be mama/daddy to their own. (Got’s to be more careful!)

I said all of that when I really just want to say this.  There comes a time in life where we are forced to grow up and that time comes (or should come) when we have kids, if not before.  No one should have to make you do anything when it comes to you taking care of your responsibilities.  No one should have to make you pay support for someone you helped create.  No one should have to make you spend time with your child (every other weekend, Thanksgiving and ½ the day on Christmas..get the fuck outta here!) that’s something you should want to do.  Whatever “beef” you have with your baby mama/daddy (pending there is one) don’t make the child suffer because of it. 

What I mean by that is: 

·         DON’T NOT SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD BECAUSE YOU DON’T LIKE HIS MAMA/DADDY (shit, at one time you did..lol). 

·         DON’T NOT SEND YOUR CHILD TO THEIR MAMA/DADDY’S HOUSE AND ALLOW THEM TIME TO SPEND WITH HER/HIM BECAUSE YOU’RE NO LONGER AN ITEM (get over it already…)

·         DON’T NOT SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD BECAUSE YOU WANT TO WATCH THE GAME/REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATL AND YOUR BABY MAMA/DADDY WANTS TO GO TO THE STORE/SHOOT BALL (sit them down with you or DVR it for later…better yet, catch the rerun..it will come on again)

 Look at these times as opportunities you may not otherwise have.  Cease the moments.

Parenting is a 50/50 responsibility, or at least it should be, whether you’re together, live in the same household, not together, or live separately.  It doesn’t matter and shouldn’t matter because your child is your child.  Don’t become a “non motherfucking factor” because you on some bullshit.  Now, if you’re just not a good parent, you’re just not a good parent and maybe it’s best that you keep your distance, ya know?  But if you’re capable of parenting and you’re simply trying to hurt the other parent or claim you don’t have time…stop with the bullshit, make time to spend time with your child.  Shit, you make time for everything and everybody else.  Make time to spend time with your child(ren)!

Being a parent isn’t something you can simply do one day and decide you don’t wanna do the next.  Well, at least it shouldn’t be, but there are always exceptions…smdh

In closing I want to say this, if parenting isn’t something you’re cut out for you have one of two options:  Strap-up or Suit-up .  If you strap-up then you won’t have to worry about any of the above.  Just remember that failure to strap-up will result in you having to suit- up and if that’s the case, I’ma need you to warm up, because homie you’re up!  Yes, you! You’re on deck!

S/N:  Children are blessings and not burdens.  You are somebody’s child and either you want what you had as a child, for your child, or you want better.  Be an advocate for a healthy destiny and not the opponent of it.

Reference:  Ask,com Single Parent Statistics by Jennifer Wolf; United States. Census Department. Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007. By Timothy S. Grall. Census, 2009. 26 Feb. 2010 [http://www.census.gov/prod/2009pubs/p60-237.pdf].

"Soon You'll Understand"

“Soon You’ll Understand”

 I wrote a note a titled, “The Making of a Superhero” where I talked about brothers who were playing these games with women.  Having us thinking they wanted to be with us, that we were their only one when we were simply one of many, their lies, the manipulation and so forth and so on.  Well, I still feel that there are men that do these things.  Play these type of games and aren’t honest, but what about the ones who are?  What about the ones who “lay it on the table” and “spell it out” for us, but we don’t listen?  What I’m asking is this:

 We’re always wanting men to fess up and take responsibility for their actions, but when do we, and I’m talking about women, accept responsibility for ours?  The role we play in getting our own feelings hurt, because we do play a role.  It’s not always his fault.  Yea, we would like to believe it and we would like to blame it on him because we need someone to blame, and shit, we’re not going to point the finger at ourselves, right?   Of course, not.   Well, not all of us anyways.  But we have to admit that some of us women are just like them.  (Laughing)

Why would we point the fingers at ourselves?  They’re men and men ain’t shit!  We’re the victims, right?  Now, what I’m about to say, yea, there’s a lot that may not agree and that’s okay.  Shoot, at one point in time I didn’t either and this is the reason for the title “Maybe We Should Talk About It” because everybody don’t see everything the same way; from the same POV (point of view), if this were true…the world would be screwed!  (Smiling) You’re entitled to your opinion.

Question:  How many times have men said to women, “I don’t want a relationship” and we let it go in one ear and out the other. 

Question:  How many times have men said to women, “I see other women.  You’re not the only one.” And we stay thinking that if we monopolize all of his time and stay relevant, then maybe he’ll forget about her, and then we’re the next playa off the bench.

Question:  How many times have men said to women , “Let’s just enjoy the ride” which translates into..”Damn, why you wanna mess it up by giving it a title cause I’m cool with just smashing” and we continue to let him smash, but get an attitude when he don’t wanna take it to the next level of giving it a title.

One song came to mind as I was writing this and it was “Soon You’ll Understand” by JayZ and ladies if you haven’t heard it..whoa!  The first time I listened to it back in the day it pissed me the hell off, but after revisiting it I believe he says some rather interesting things.  Now, I’m like, “WOW!”

Jay says:

Mmm, you don't understand now be..cause you're cryin, and you hurt

You'll understand soon enough.. soon enough

Take your time when you likin a guy

Cause if he sense that your feelings too intense, it's pimp or die

It must be sad, though it hurts to say

We could never be a item, don't even like him

You deserve better - this is ugly; please don't love me

There's better guys out there other than me

Like a lawyer or a doctor with a Ph.D

We're tryin, really tryin to make it work

I ain't ready, and I told you

It ain't like, I ain't tell you from day one, I ain't shit

When it comes to relationships, I don't have the patience

Now it's too late, we got a little life together

and in my mind I really want you to be my wife forever

But in the physical it's like I'ma be trife forever

A different girl every night forever; told you to leave

but you're stubborn and you love him and,

no matter what despite all the fuckin and the cheatin,

you still won't leave him, now you're grievin

And I feel bad, believe me

I ain't ready, and this ain't easy

Wasn't fair to tell you to wait, so I told you to skate

You chose not to, now look at the shit we gotta go through

What a slap in the face, right?  “It ain’t like I ain’t tell you.”  So, it’s safe to say….it’s not his fault.  Whether men tell women straight out or through their actions..the signs are there and some women choose to ignore them.  They ignore them thinking, “Well, he’s saying that now, but he’ll change his mind.”  But what happens if he doesn’t?  Then you’re walking around like a mad woman because you didn’t get what you wanted; excuse me..because he didn’t give you what you wanted, but hell, he told you what he didn’t want.  He showed you what he didn’t want.  You ignored it.  I’m not talking about those men who tell you, “yes, babe.  We are an item,” and then you find out he’s cheating on you.  No, that qualifies him as a liar, and a cheater.  I’m talking about the men that say, “NO!  A relationship isn’t what I want right now,” and instead of leaving, because you know that you want a relationship, you stay….that’s his fault? No, sweetie.  It’s your fault.  He told you he didn’t want it.  Now, a guy told me that women are POWERFUL creatures (as if any of us had any doubt about that) and can make a man say he’s ready when he KNOWS he’s not, “well, look…let’s just try a relationship and if it doesn’t work, then hey…at least we can say we tried.” But as soon as it doesn’t all hell breaks loose!  “Men don’t know what they want.  Sometimes women have to tell them what they want…convince them.”  Okay, I agree with this to a degree.  It takes men sometime to realize what they want i.e. they have a good woman and don’t know how to treat her and lets her go because Miss New Booty is giving ‘em everything he wants..for the moment.  Then months, years down the line (when he’s matured) he realizes how he messed up by letting the good woman go.  I get that.  On the other hand, I look at it like this.  If he’s not ready, he’s not ready.  It’s like sending a third grader to the ninth grade expecting them to do well.  They’re going to fail!

Not all men play games; a helluva lot of them do, but not all of them do, so at some point we need to take responsibility for our actions.  If a relationship is what we want and it’s not what he wants…we need to find someone who wants what we want.

If he has fifty million other women that he’s seeing and we want to be “the one”; find a man who is ready to settle down with just one woman AND THIS may be hard because you have so many women who don’t mind being the side chic or the chic in the trenches waiting for you to mess up and lose your position so they can slide in (No!  Women don’t do that…lol)

The point I’m making is this.  There are women who claim victims, but in order to be a victim you can’t be guilty.

"You don't understand now, but you will"

What About Him?

Women can sometimes give men a lot of flak about loving them.  We’re quick to ask, “Why you don’t love me, Craig?”  And he doesn’t have to answer because we’ll craft a hundred and one reasons as to why he doesn’t for him.  When the truth is maybe he doesn’t know how to love.  Or maybe he loved so hard in the past that it was taken for granted and he vowed to never fall again.  Does this ever cross your mind?

Women aren’t the only ones who’ve been scarred and damaged.  It’s hard to imagine, but men can be the same way.  The sad thing is that men have it way worse than we do, meaning, as women we have been equipped, designed to endure pain.  Not saying that it’s right for the pain to be inflicted on us because we are, but some things are just unfortunate.  What I am saying is this.  Have you ever looked at or thought about the difference in the way men and women cope when they get sick?  Have you thought for just a second that there's a difference between the way men and women cope with hurt?  I said that just to get you to see where I’m trying to take my next point. 

Men, who have been hurt by some no good-ass woman (and there are plenty of no good-ass women out there) have just as hard of a time healing as those of us women who have been hurt by no good-ass man.  Those women who cheat, lie, manipulate, play mind games, crush hearts, etc.  Oh, yea.  Sometimes we fail to mention this...lol

You have men who love hard.  Men who spoil, pamper, adore, and would do anything for their woman.  Good men.  Good men who get caught up with bad women.  Men whom these manipulative women push into other women's arms then cry, "how could you do this to me, Craig?" (You can deny it if you want, but STOP IT…it happens.  I know women who've done it).  Difference between us and them is they sometimes don’t show or tell they're hurting. Women have social outlets…our girlfriends.  We’ll hold a “Bitch Breathe Session” in a heartbeat.  Call all of our girls and tell them, “Bitch, you won’t believe what this nucca did to me!  He hurt me sooo bad.”  Men…they won’t do that.  A man can be hurt so deep on the inside, but won’t tell a soul!  Okay, he may tell his one homie, his childhood partner, whom he KNOWS won’t tell anyone else, but they have this ego that says.  “You’re a man…men don’t cry” so they don’t utilize the same outlets that women do.  Meaning, regardless of how bad he’s hurting inside.  He probably won’t disclose how deep it really is.  He’ll probably use terms like, “shit, it is what it is; if she wanna go, let her go; naw, dawg…I’m good.”  Some cover their hurt through drinking; others cover their hurt through sex.  Doesn’t matter who she is as long as she can ease and make the pain go away for about thirty minutes; so he won’t have to think about it.  Sounds crazy, but it’s true.  Not saying this is the case for all men, but it happens.  I recall reading an article, or maybe it was a book, that talked about how when good men are hurt they usually end up hurting ten women in return because they don't have any outlets for healing or they're too "manly" to utilize them (admitting to their homeboys that they're hurting).

And how about those men who’ve never experienced love to know how to love you?  How about those men who, like some women, have always been in dysfunctional relationships and bring those learned habits into a functional relationship?  For someone to learn something “new” they have to be taught.  I know I had the hardest time believing that men could be mentally and emotionally abused, but they can.  You have some scandalous women out here.  Women who know they have a good man, but do all the things good women talk about scandalous men doing to them.  Then we wonder why there’s such a shortage of good men.  Shit, they’re just as damaged as women.  It’s because they’re “trapped” in these tangled webs with these crafty harlots who put on the good girl façade, snag them , dig their claws so deep into them, and damage them so they’re no good for the next woman.  Have you ever had a girlfriend whose boyfriend you’ve look at like, “Man, he’s a good dude.  Why are you doing that to him?”  LOL…I have and it’s SAD because men always get the short end of the stick.  No one addresses these women.

NOW…I’m not suggesting that if your man doesn’t love you it’s because he doesn’t know how because there are numerous reasons as to why he may not, but what I am saying is, if he wants to learn; teach him. Musiq said it best in his song Teach Me.  He states, "Our relationship is suffering, trying to give you what I never had.  You say I don't know how to love you babe, well I say show me the way.  I keep my feelings deep inside I, shadow them with my pride, I..I'm trying desperately, baby just work with me..teach me how to love.  Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I'm so lost…"

Again, I'm not saying the reason why ALL men don't love is this and I'm not saying that you have to believe it.  This is my personal opinion.  BUT..if I can suggest something to you that is this…

Examine the evidence before deciding the verdict.