Did You Ever Love Me?

Did You Ever Love Me?

NEVER GET TOO COMFORTABLE

Relationships are hard work, but can sometimes be very rewarding.  However, where most people in the relationship go wrong is when they realize they no longer have to do the things they did in the beginning of it.  I mean why should they?  You’re theirs now.  They don’t have to call just to say they were thinking about you, they don’t have to send smiley face text messages, or “143” to indicate they love you, and they don’t have to whisper “sweet nothings” telling you how happy they are that you met.  Naw, they’ve done all the hard work.  Now, it’s time to sit back, relax and reap the benefits of it all.
People get too comfortable too damn quick!
My belief is this.  And remember, it’s my belief.  I’m not trying to enforce my belief on you.  I’m simply stating it for the sake of the argument.  Now, where was I?  Oh…my belief is this.  I know in some cases (most cases) people may send forth their representatives.  The role of the representative is to do all of the things that the pursuer doesn’t or wouldn’t normally do.
Okay, I’m cool with that, but the problem is this.  The pursuant is being deceived.  How?  I’m glad you asked so I can tell you.  Look, IF the pursuant begins to like “you” for the things that you’re doing that you don’t normally do then it’s not actually “you” that they like.  It’s your representative.  You’re representative was the one doing the calling, the texting, and the whispering while you were waiting patiently to seal the deal.  It only seems fair that they would like your representative and not you.
It’s your representative that has this man/woman head over heels in love with a mirage, a carbon-copy, or a prototype.  You’ve managed to run a 52 fake out on your pursuant.
What if it’s not your representative that you sent forth to do all these things?  What if it were you?  I’m glad you asked so I can tell you.  IF “you” were truly the one doing the calling, texting and the whispering, then you need to withdraw some creativity from your reserve because somewhere you’ve dropped the ball and someone may be getting bored.  You can’t do all of those things and then stop.  Relationships lose their zeal when you get stuck in the normalcy of it.  People get too comfortable and feel they don’t have to keep the excitement going, but the truth is…excitement yields longevity.  The loss of excitement in a relationship is probably one of the real reasons men and women cheat.  Because whatever you did in the beginning to get them; you’re neglecting to do to keep them.
So, in closing I’ll say this.  Men, if you don’t want to lose your girl; keep the excitement coming.  If texting her, calling her, and/or whispering in her ear was what got your foot in the door in the first place; DON’T STOP!  Every woman loves (well, maybe not every) loves to be pampered.  We like attention, but no we’re not needy.  We simply like to feel appreciated.  We like to feel special and loved.  We like for our companion to know that we’re still here, but you have to put forth the effort to rekindle what has died out.  And remember, what you won’t do the next man will because “there’s always somebody that’s watching your girl.  There’s always someone who thinks he can do better.”
Ladies, if you don’t want to lose your man; keep the excitement coming.  If rubbing his head when he’s stressed, giving him a massage after a hard day’s work, and being ready to get it in (even if it’s 6:50 and you have to get up at 7.  Girlfriend, you got ten whole minutes…work it out!).  DON’T STOP!  Men won’t always admit when they’re lacking attention.  Something to do with something called pride. But if that’s what you were doing… DON’T STOP!  And remember there is always some desperate broad lying in the trenches, taking his phone calls at 5 o’clock in the morning, catering to his every want while you’re so comfortable and sure that you have him that you’re neglecting his needs.  And remember you better clutch your man like you clutch your purse especially if he’s a good man.  Watch how many vultures hover around once their radar picks up a “neglected good-man” within 100ft. LOL

In closing I’ll say this.  You don’t stop working on a relationship once the “honeymoon” phase is over.  You have to continuously work on it and keep the sparks flying like fireworks.  Don’t get too comfortable; forgetting what you did that got you where you are.  Otherwise, you may be stuck with your representative which may or may not be a good thing.  Why?  I’m glad you asked so I can tell you.  They may not like the real you either.  #ijs

Not an Easy Task

Busy, busy, busy!  I guess this is what happens when you have dreams you want to fulfill.  You can't and don't stop working.  It's not an easy task, but it is one that will keep you smiling when you think, "Wow!  I really did this."  Taking the necessary steps to continued success.  Just to think.  This is only the beginning.  Can't give up now. 

Check out the webpage for signing dates. 

http://www.neiceyford.com/

More cities will be added at a later date.  Happy Monday to you all!

Finished Product

I know it has been forever since I've blogged and I apologize for that.  However, I've been diligently working on completing the book, editing it, proofing it for print, and all kinds of other stuff.  I will tell you that I love the feeling of completing a project, but it is definitely hard work.  (Laughing) then again, nothing worth having is easy, right?  Well, I'd like to inform you all that the book is done.  It is available in paperback now, which I know quite a few have been waiting on.  So, go to my website at neiceyford.com and make sure you purchase your copy.  Also, check out the tour/signing dates.  I will be adding more as soon as I get confirmation.  Thank you in advance for your support!

http://neiceyford.com/

Eluding Karma Excerpt III

Philip lay in the bed watching American Gangsta and sipping on a glass of Courvoisier.  “That Frank Lucas is a bad man,” he said shaking his head, and taking another sip.  He began to smile as snapshots of Nick’s wedding played in his mind like a slideshow.  It was so beautiful.  I really am proud of him and Keda.  She looked so beautiful in her wedding gown.  Yep, I’d do it over again, if I could.  Especially, with the right woman.  Especially, with Syd.” he thought, which reminded him that it had been almost a month since he had spoken to, or even heard from her. 

He took a few more sips of his drink, picked up his cell phone and then pressed the button to begin a text message.  He put in her number.

<Hey> Send

Philip sat, waiting for a response.  He kept pressing the button on his phone, hoping to see an envelope indicating that he had a message, but there wasn’t one.  “That’s some bullshit!”  He yelled.  “I can’t believe she’s not texting me back.”  Damn, they finally put his ass in prison, he thought, looking up at the television.

An hour had passed.  American Gangsta had gone off, and still no reply from Syd.  He looked down into the glass, “shit!”  Then over to the bottle.  Same thing.  “I know I didn’t drink all of that by myself,” he laughed.  Philip went to the restroom, turned off the television and placed his telephone on his bedside table.  Thirty minutes later he was sound asleep.

Veerp

<Hey you>

MOTIVATION

This morning when I woke I began to think and question myself, "where does your motivation come from?"  Some people are motivated by their children, loved ones, families, friends, etc.  I, am also motivated by those things, but I truly believe I'm motivated by something deeper..something even stronger than that.

I remember writing my first skit/play in the 6^th grade at Noe Middle School in Louisville, Kentucky.  I mean, I developed scenes, had the transitions from the scenes to the songs, had Harriett, Rosa, Frederick, and Martin Luther, all in their 60's costumes, sitting on the church pews, awaiting something miraculous to happen. (Laughing)

Fast Forward some years (quite a few years) and I'm still doing those things.  I'm still writing, directing and producing plays, writing novels, writing and reciting poetry, blogging, etc.  I'm not a big shot (yet), but I believe everything happens in God's perfect timing.

You see, this "writing thing" is something deeply embedded in me.  I don't pretend to be a writer.  I don’t write because I want to get paid for doing so; I write because it's who I am.  I write in hopes that my experiences can shed light and uplift/help others.  Writing…it's part of my being.  If I couldn't write, if I couldn't express myself through some form of writing, I would probably be so depressed that I'd die.

Not a day goes by that I don't pick up a pen or open a word document and write/type something.  Not a day goes by where something happens or is said and I think to myself, "let me jot that down so I won't forget it," with the purpose of incorporating it into something I may write later.

I say all of that to say this.  Sometimes you can't look to others to motivate and inspire you or even keep you motivated and inspired.  That's a responsibility you have to assume yourself.  Reason being is when those motivators or inspirers no longer want the position, what will you do?

I've been writing for years and I probably could've had these books published a long time ago.  However, I looked to other people to motivate and inspire me.  When those folk resigned their positions, I pushed those projects to the side and moved on to others which in return has prolonged the completion process.

Where does your motivation come from?  If it doesn't come from within?  It should.  Allow yourself to be your motivation.  Not Kelly Rowland, not Boo, not your kids, not grandma or grandpa, but you.  The can be contributors to your motivation, but you be the motivator. (Whew, that was a mouthful).

Well, I'm glad to say that, THE WAIT IS ALMOST OVER.  I want you to be a witness to the union of Neicey and Writing, and I must say that we make a beautiful couple.  I'll end this blog by saying this:

"What God has joined together; let no man (or woman) separate."

Strap-Up or Suit-Up

I know a lot of people wish there was a “Return/Exchange Policy” on baby mama’s and baby daddy’s.  I’m sure there are some folk who wish you could “Build-A-Dad/Mom” like you Build-A-Bear…lmao.  Not that simply.  A lot of people will argue, “that’s why you should be careful who you lay down with….people should stop handing over their goods without checking qualifications first.”  Yea, well…just like a job…somebody could’ve put in a good word, vouched for their character, and because they knew somebody that knew somebody; all the particulars were bypassed.  Not all hookups end in disaster.  Not saying it’s right, just saying shit happens.   We don’t know a person’s story. 

What we do know is that it takes two people to produce a baby (child), and it would only make sense that it would take two people to parent that child.  There are more single-parent households in the U.S. than Lil Tunechi, Drake and Trey Songz have mixtapes.  According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007, released by the U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009, there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States as of 2010, and those parents are responsible for raising 21.8 million children.  Just imagine what the statistics will look like for 2011.  SMDH…

Now, I’m not writing about the number of single-parent households in the U.S., but, I did want you to be aware of the statistics.

What I am writing about, however, is the lack of participation/partnership by some parent(s). 

What does it mean when parents say they’re “watching their kid(s)?”  As a parent you CAN’T technically “watch” your own child.  That’s an oxymoron.  It amazes me how often you hear about mothers and fathers of children calling the absent parent, or even asking the parent that lives in the same household, if they would “watch” their child while the other goes off to do whatever. 

You have some parents that act like it’s a burden or a bother when you ask them to come and get their son/daughter(s) because there’s something you have to do.  You have some parents that act like it’s a burden or a bother when you ask them to come and get their son/daughter(s) because you just simply need a break.  You’re not asking them to donate a kidney to someone they don’t know; you’re asking them to spend time with THEIR child, you’re asking them to be relevant, you’re asking them to be a parent!

I’ve heard people say, “I’m not watching him/her while he/she goes out to dinner” or “I’m not watching him/her while he/she goes out to the club” or “I’m not watching him/her while he/she goes to the barbershop/beauty salon” or “I’m not watching him/her while he/she goes off to be with him/her.”  (That’s my favorite….lol).

First, of all, take the word “watching” out of the statement and replace it with “spending time.” Now, read those statements over and see how utterly RIDICULOUS they sounds.  My question is this:  What freakin’ difference does it make!?  What does it matter to you where the hell they go or what the hell they do?  All that should matter is that for that time, for that hour, two hours, however long they’re gone, you get to be an active part of your child’s life.  You get to spend time with your child that you may or may not have gotten to otherwise.  You get to be relevant.  You get to be a…ummm…parent!

Then what gets me is when the mama/daddy doesn’t call you to spend time with your child.  What gets me is when “Keisha” or “Craig” says, “Baby, I’ll watch him/her while you go to the store,” and they can say that (watch) because the child(ren) isn’t theirs!

But you better shut the back door!  Shut it, lock it, and nail it down because when the baby mama/daddy gets whiff that you left “their child” with Keisha and Craig…ALL HELL’S GONNA BREAK LOOSE! Now, all of a sudden irrelevant parents want to become relevant.  Now, nonparents want to become parents.  But nooooo….couldn’t get them to play mama/daddy when you needed some “me” time.  Couldn’t get them to play mama/daddy when they should just want to play mama/daddy.  That’s too much like right.

Sooo,  what you mad fo’?  LOL…

But hold, on…because there’s always a flip side to everything. 

I know it’s hard for some people to believe that this parenting thing truly is a life-time commitment and some people, both men and women, just aren’t cut out for it.  Okay, I get it.  However, Keisha and Craig…shouldn’t be over somebody else’s house playing “Daddy Daycare” or “Mommy Make-It Better” to somebody else’s child(ren) when they can’t be mama/daddy to their own. (Got’s to be more careful!)

I said all of that when I really just want to say this.  There comes a time in life where we are forced to grow up and that time comes (or should come) when we have kids, if not before.  No one should have to make you do anything when it comes to you taking care of your responsibilities.  No one should have to make you pay support for someone you helped create.  No one should have to make you spend time with your child (every other weekend, Thanksgiving and ½ the day on Christmas..get the fuck outta here!) that’s something you should want to do.  Whatever “beef” you have with your baby mama/daddy (pending there is one) don’t make the child suffer because of it. 

What I mean by that is: 

·         DON’T NOT SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD BECAUSE YOU DON’T LIKE HIS MAMA/DADDY (shit, at one time you did..lol). 

·         DON’T NOT SEND YOUR CHILD TO THEIR MAMA/DADDY’S HOUSE AND ALLOW THEM TIME TO SPEND WITH HER/HIM BECAUSE YOU’RE NO LONGER AN ITEM (get over it already…)

·         DON’T NOT SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD BECAUSE YOU WANT TO WATCH THE GAME/REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATL AND YOUR BABY MAMA/DADDY WANTS TO GO TO THE STORE/SHOOT BALL (sit them down with you or DVR it for later…better yet, catch the rerun..it will come on again)

 Look at these times as opportunities you may not otherwise have.  Cease the moments.

Parenting is a 50/50 responsibility, or at least it should be, whether you’re together, live in the same household, not together, or live separately.  It doesn’t matter and shouldn’t matter because your child is your child.  Don’t become a “non motherfucking factor” because you on some bullshit.  Now, if you’re just not a good parent, you’re just not a good parent and maybe it’s best that you keep your distance, ya know?  But if you’re capable of parenting and you’re simply trying to hurt the other parent or claim you don’t have time…stop with the bullshit, make time to spend time with your child.  Shit, you make time for everything and everybody else.  Make time to spend time with your child(ren)!

Being a parent isn’t something you can simply do one day and decide you don’t wanna do the next.  Well, at least it shouldn’t be, but there are always exceptions…smdh

In closing I want to say this, if parenting isn’t something you’re cut out for you have one of two options:  Strap-up or Suit-up .  If you strap-up then you won’t have to worry about any of the above.  Just remember that failure to strap-up will result in you having to suit- up and if that’s the case, I’ma need you to warm up, because homie you’re up!  Yes, you! You’re on deck!

S/N:  Children are blessings and not burdens.  You are somebody’s child and either you want what you had as a child, for your child, or you want better.  Be an advocate for a healthy destiny and not the opponent of it.

Reference:  Ask,com Single Parent Statistics by Jennifer Wolf; United States. Census Department. Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007. By Timothy S. Grall. Census, 2009. 26 Feb. 2010 [http://www.census.gov/prod/2009pubs/p60-237.pdf].